ShopDreamUp AI ArtDreamUp
Deviation Actions
I'm just fucking hopeless. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with me?
The woman I love, which btw has a boyfriend, invited me to dinner and I got cold feet?
I should probably just give up right here and now.
Sure, I've promised her to fix her computer too, which she also included to mention in her invitation, but still.
She thought of me when she planned to have a nice dinner for her brother tonight.
She didn't just ask me to come over and fix the computer during the day, no, she actually invited me to dinner at seven at her place.
She's obviously not hitting on me, she has no reason for that. She knows what I feel for her, though.
Well, at least she know the basics of it.
I told her that I liked her a lot, and later on I told her that I'm in love with here.
This was a couple of months ago.
She probably thought that it was a common crush. She told me "I know from experience that the feelings will just pass by."
Nope, my feelings are still with me, and they're stronger than ever.
I love her so much, but for some reason I'm scared as hell. I got cold feet and made up a stupid excuse.
Fuck......
The woman I love, which btw has a boyfriend, invited me to dinner and I got cold feet?
I should probably just give up right here and now.
Sure, I've promised her to fix her computer too, which she also included to mention in her invitation, but still.
She thought of me when she planned to have a nice dinner for her brother tonight.
She didn't just ask me to come over and fix the computer during the day, no, she actually invited me to dinner at seven at her place.
She's obviously not hitting on me, she has no reason for that. She knows what I feel for her, though.
Well, at least she know the basics of it.
I told her that I liked her a lot, and later on I told her that I'm in love with here.
This was a couple of months ago.
She probably thought that it was a common crush. She told me "I know from experience that the feelings will just pass by."
Nope, my feelings are still with me, and they're stronger than ever.
I love her so much, but for some reason I'm scared as hell. I got cold feet and made up a stupid excuse.
Fuck......
Struggling with social anxiety disorder
I keep finding myself struggling with the right way to describe how I'm doing, how I'm feeling, what's going on inside my own mind. Finding the words, the right words nonetheless, to explain to others, and sometimes myself. Suffering from a mental disorder is the worst thing in that way. Suffering from more than one mental disorder at the same time is thousands and thousands times worse, and I would much rather break both my legs, just so that I could point at a casket as an explanation to why I can't be there and do what I'm supposed to do whenever I'm asked to do something that is expected from me.
I'm constantly anxious of being judged by
Emotional rollercoaster
Want to know one of the worst parts right now?
The times when I fall into those dark thoughts of that things would be so much simpler if I got some kind of physical injury instead. Those kind of thoughts have been more frequent lately. Just say that I broke one of my legs. Then it would so much easier for both myself and other around me to see and understand that when this leg has healed, then I'm ready to move forward again. Or I got assaulted by someone. Just randomly, or because of some kind of feud or something. Then I could use that as an excuse for that I need to heal and feel safe again before I can move forward.
But with these dam
Can't grasp my mental illness
Earlier this evening I sent two texts, to two different individuals, and some other messages to a few other individuals.
I probably shouldn't have done that.
Not that it was they were mean in any way, but it probably made me look even more pathetic than I already am. I'm not even sure what I expected to happen. Maybe that THIS time I get some kind of response...maybe even some kind of positive response?
I keep wishing that I had some physical injury, instead of this damn mental illness. I would be so much easier for me, and others, to grasp. So much easier to see what's actually faulty and to see when things are getting better, and maybe
The constant urge to say ''Hi, please see me''
I don't know how many times I've had to force myself to not text her.
Just now I wrote a text, that was both happy in some ways and sad in others.
My mind's just drifting up and down, all over the place.
I just need to hold out. I just need to focus on something else.
It's just that...during the weekends I tend to feel more lonely, and that triggers me to think about how much I miss her.
One of the greatest friends I ever had, and I just had to ruin it for both of us.
I guess I should just feel lucky if those I cared about didn't leave me when I get too emotional.
I guess that's just something you shouldn't take for granted, that
© 2012 - 2024 ToxicAntidote
Comments0
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In