Who am I?

27 year old/young man, who should be living his prime time of life, but instead keeps repeating and threshing my old mistakes, experiences, memories and whatnot. A person who has been through a fucking hell most of his life, with extreme family feuds at home at an early age (99% just being a wittiness to all the horrible shit).
Later on taking shit from bullies throughout most of primary-school, middle school and secondary school.
Not only bullied by regular bullies, but also (could probably mostly be called teasing) by the few friends I had at some times.
With extremely low self esteem pushing through high-school with good grades in a few subjects, but with barely passed grades in most, and really bad grades in some other subjects.
After high-school off to a bad start as unemployed for over five years, and slowly trying to get by as I'm being called a lazy non working freeloader by a upset mom, whom herself barely gets by both economically and at some times mentally.
Now, living with tons of shame, low self esteem and guilt because of all my bad behavior cased by all that shit I went through earlier, and trying to run away from all of my problem just pushing them forward, and not taking responsibility for my actions and just trying to find someone else to blame it all on...because I'm too scared, afraid of falling and failing everything and everyone over and over again.
Developed a very serious depression over a very long time, and I have to say STOP, no more! I should have done a long time ago. 


I'm closing down most of my so called 'social' accounts, since I'm more harm towards others and myself at this moment. I can't handle it, and I need professional help to get through everything.

I just want to make sure that everyone that I've hurt, I don't blame you. I never really did. I ALWAYS blamed myself at least ten times more than I made it look like I did towards you. I was, and still am, very scared and lost in my own mind, and I'm about to have a total breakdown. At least there's only up from here, right?
I don't know anymore. I just need to BACK THE FUCK OFF from everything, and everyone.

I'm so, so very sorry for all the harm I've done. I NEVER meant to....I know it's hard to trust me because of it all....but I never did mean any harm...though that doesn't make it ok and of course never can undo what I've done.

Stay strong, and never give up. I wont.
Bye, for a long while.